ficlet: Persistence

[deinonychus_1]

Title: Persistence
Author: Athene
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing/characters: Connor, Cutter.
Rating: PG
Warnings: AU from the end of series 1, rather dark theme. 
Spoilers: 1.6. 
Disclaimer: Not mine. ITV and Impossible Pictures own them.
Word count: approx 280
Summary: What if Connor hadn’t believed Cutter in 2.1? What if no-one had believed him? 
AN: Originally written last year for the Primeval100 challenge, ‘Who’s Claudia?’, but it turned out that 100 words just wasn’t enough to say what I wanted this fic to say. Thanks to Fredbassett for the beta, and for poking me to dust off some fic that has been languishing on my hard drive.

            Connor hated this place. Calling it a hospital didn’t change what it was – an asylum, a madhouse, a prison. The only things that kept him coming back were his sense of friendship and respect. And guilt.

“Professor?” Connor was the only one who still called him that.

            Cutter looked up from his drawing. Always the same drawing, always the future predator, even after all these years.

That was when they had started to lose him. That was when he had started to talk about things that had never happened, and people who had never existed. And after what had happened with Stephen… No, even after that, no one could have predicted the breakdown.

Connor couldn’t help but wonder if there had been signs, if there had been a critical point where they might have been able to stop it. If there had been anything that he, that any of them, could have done. 

            Cutter looked up at him, and smiled. “Connor.”

            Connor’s heart leapt at the rare moment of recognition. Maybe this was one of Cutter’s better days. Connor had long since given up hope of ‘better’ ever being close to ‘normal’. Nick Cutter, the real Nick Cutter, had died a long time ago, and had left in his place this man who simply wore Cutter’s body, and talked with his accent.

            Cutter leaned towards him, his eyes alight with hope. “Have you found Claudia yet?”

            Connor’s heart broke all over again, and he tried to hide the disappointment. Tried to talk around the sudden solid mass of pain in his throat.

“No, Professor.”

            Cutter looked faintly annoyed and returned to his drawing.

            Of all his delusions, ‘Claudia Brown’ was still the most persistent.

Comments

[fififolle]

Oh. That's heartbreaking. Deary me. Very well done.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It was a bit dark and angsty, wasn't it?

[fififolle]

Em... just a bit :D
Edit: But you know, more any time *g*

[reggietate.livejournal.com]

Oh, ow! That's a real little killer. Brilliant fic, packing such a punch into so few words.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad it works. It's been sitting on my hard drive since last year, because I was never quite certain whether to post it, or whether it was just too dark and AU for people's tastes in this fandom.

[reggietate.livejournal.com]

It may be too dark for some, but it would a shame if you'd let that stop you posting such a good story. I love bleak stuff like this. Mind you, as a Blake's 7 fan of yore, I'm rather more used to it :-)

As much as I love shiny, happy fic, a really good dark, harsh tale like this is always welcome, so you'll always have one fan, at least!

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

I think I may have been quite influenced by some of my early fandoms - particularly Stargate SG1 and Buffy and Angel, several of which dealt with a lot of really dark themes. I once read a huge epic Stargate fic where Daniel was taken prisoner and locked in solitary confinement for so long that he had a complete mental breakdown, and the fic was really, really long but I just couldn't stop reading it because it was so good. Those fandoms were full of dark, angst-ridden fics about rape and torture and general maimage of characters and stuff like that. Possibly explains a lot of what I write now. Meep!

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

Snivel. I think dark may be an understatement! This is a wonderful piece of writing, and I'm glad Fred jabbed you hard in the ribs to get it posted.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm not sure where the idea for this came from, or why I felt the need to write something quite this dark. To be honest, when I'm *reading* I sometimes love to see a happy, fluffy adventure where the boy gets the girl (or the other pretty boy) and they all live happily ever after. But when I'm writing I do things like this. I'm sure a phychologist would have a field day with most fic writers.

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

*g*. I'm the same as you -- will often write quite dark, but admit to a sneaking affection for the 'happily ever after' stories, even if I don't generally write them.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

We do all have a tendency towards the angst end of writing, don't we? I seem to remember having a conversation with Telperion_15 ages ago when S2 was still airing, and commenting that even if next week's episode was a fun and happy birthday party where they all had a good time, ate lots of cake, and no-one had any fights, the fic writers would *still* manage to write angsty fic about it afterwards!

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

LOL! OK, someone's got to write that particular story! *Looks meaningfully at deinonychus_1*

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

What, the birthday party, or the angst afterwards? *g*

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

Both! And do I spot a willing volunteer? *bg*.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Noooooo! I'm still trying to get rid of the Nick/Connor bunny that hopped into my brain when I was talking to Telperion on Monday. You lot are all bad influences.

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

*slips lettuce to the bunny*

You really should have kept quiet about that... *veg*

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

bugger.

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

You lot are all bad influences.

Um, yes . . . *bg*.

*Pets the bunny*

[mysteriousaliwz.livejournal.com]

Ouch!
Poor Nick ...

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Indeed. *huggles Nick and promises to write fluffy Nick fic at some point to make up for this one*

[bigtitch.livejournal.com]

*meep*
*whimper*
Poor Nick.
Great fic.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm mean to the poor boys occasionally.

[fredbassett]

It's harsh and painful and so bloody sad. But that's not a reason to avid posting good fic, and this is definitely good, no doubt about that. It packs a punch and the ending is great.

*sniffles*

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Thanks again for the beta. I noticed after I'd posted this that this week's drabble challenge is an open past prompt one. I'm feeling guilty for not having done any drabbles for a while, so may have to see if I can find something to inspire me.

[fredbassett]

Yay! See my reminder post in Denial. I think we've all been drabble-less for too long. I've posted three, and have another six ready!! I've been on a drabble-roll this afternoon, lol.

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

*cries* Ouch, this hurts... I've developed this rather protective attitude towards Nick and Connor over the past few months, and it's painful to see both of them in this situation.

I think we all like the darker stuff, so long as we know we can come out into the light afterwards.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sorry about this one, I'll try not to hurt the boys again for a while. Probably.

I wrote this ages ago, before S2 even aired with all its lovely Nick/Connor slashyness. And I really have no idea where the bunny came from. Just kind of a 'what if...' scenario.

I can see why you'd be protective - they're just too cute together.

[telperion-15.livejournal.com]

But this doesn't need any slashiness to work brilliantly - in fact, it's probably more powerful as it is, with Connor continuing to visit Cutter because of friendship and respect, and because no one else does.

I do tend to think of them as 'my boys' now - which is easy to do as they're not a very regularly written pairing by anyone other than me! *g*

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

Yes, he would keep going to see him, even though he hates seeing Cutter like that, because Connor couldn't *not* go, if that makes sense.

I do tend to think of them as 'my boys' now - which is easy to do as they're not a very regularly written pairing by anyone other than me!

I know what you mean, I sometimes feel the same about Connor/Ryan. To be fair, Connor/anyone is a fairly niche market, mainly populated by you, me, occasionally Fififolle, and if we include het as well, Alyse. Connor clearly needs more love (and also hot but probably confusing smut).

I keep thinking of writing more Nick/Connor, but after the couple of really dark non-con ones I did a few months back, I'm having trouble finding a new angle for the pairing.

[daxie42.livejournal.com]

Awwwwww poor Nick, poor Connor. You explained Nick's desent into madness well and it would be just like Connor to continue visiting him - this was really heartbreaking :(

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

I wrote this before series 2 aired, because I wanted to play with the idea of how the changed timeline would affect Nick. I think I was disapointed with how little they actually they actually addressed that issue in the show itself when S2 finally came along. But of all of them, I think Connor would be the one who remained loyal to Nick and kept visitng, despite how much it hurt to see Nick like that.

[echo-fangirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, ouch! I could absolutely see this happening... Doesn't make it any less heartbreaking though. :(

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

you seem to be homing in on all the most angsty fics in my list! But who can resist the boys when they're broken and angsty? Glad you liked (for a given definition of 'liked' *evil grin*)

[echo-fangirl.livejournal.com]

Well I tend to hone on on things I like. And by "things I like", I mean pretty, broken, angsty, british boys. :D

[knitekat.livejournal.com]

Oh that is sad, but it is a great fic. Poor Nick. Poor Connor.

[deinonychus-1.livejournal.com]

thanks. I got bitten by that very dark bunny and it just wouldn't leave me alone until I'd written that one.